A TikTok Sh*tstorm 💩 Descended Upon Me

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Last week, I found myself on the receiving end of an online shitstorm and it was, let’s say, quite an experience.

I am honest; it felt pretty nasty in the moment but in hindsight, it turned out to be a valuable lesson.

So what happened?

Last week, still in El Nido, I was walking on my favorite beach called Maremegmeg to get the photos I needed for my Pinagbuyutan Island adventure and last week’s edition of the newsletter.

To make my drone battery last longer, I walked all the way to the end to get as close to the islands as I could. The islands were still more than 1 or 2 km away.

The beach was completely empty; I was alone, enjoying every second of it and just happy to be alive in that moment. It was like a meditative state and that’s why I wrote my book, Photography as Meditation.

I mention this not because I want to sell you the book but because it is relevant in order to understand what comes next

Then I saw a girl coming my way because she was walking the other way to the fishmen village behind me. The fact that she was dressed in a school uniform made her stand out from a distance and it looked odd, especially given the peculiar scenario. Visitors or fishermen are what you would expect, but a school uniform was a surprise.

So as our paths crossed on the narrow beach, I said, “Hi ! Is this your way back from school?”

"Yes, I walk here every day,” she answered in perfect English

I was astonished.

“Wow, that’s amazing. You have the most beautiful way back from school I have ever seen!"

We laughed and had a great time for about two or three minutes, and then I kept going.

I asked if she was ok with me posting the Tiktok and then, after a few minutes, all hell broke loose.

See for yourself.

@romanlbinder

Alma has the best way back home from school in the world 😍 #wayhome #beachvibes #beautifuldestinations #elnido #philippines #backtoschool ... See more

What happened next was that this video completely went viral, with almost a million views.

There were so many insults, aweful abusive messages and even physical threats that I was unable to keep up deleting and blocking people at the same pace.

It was insane.

TikTok has a filter for abusive messages but even that was overwhelming. Eventually, after a one-complete day that felt like hell, I found out that TikTok had a privacy setting that allowed me to turn off the comments.

Calm was restored. My belief in humanity wasn´t.

The Good, the bad, and the ugly

Let’s start with the bad. It is not that I don´t want to take accountability. There were two criticisms that were valid.

1. Asking the girl if she was okay with posting a TikTok technically was not enough since she was clearly underage and only her parents could consent.

   This is true; however, that is also true for almost all videos and it is very rare that people do that. It never really happens.

   Its a judgment call in each moment and mine in those moments was to capture it and that’s that.

   Also, if she or her parents reached out to me, I would immediately delete it. But they didn´t.

2. As a consequence, I can´t really complain because if I publish a lot, I have to be prepared for the potential haters. Thats just how it is on the internet. You just can´t be sensitive

The ugly?

Sexism is only condemned when women are the victims; men, on the other hand, are expected to simply take it.

The logic goes like this: If you are a man, you must be a rapist.

That said, there were also a few very positive things I learned and in hindsight, I am actually okay with how everything developed.

Four Lessons from Overcoming The Controversy 

1) I received a ton of support from a lot of people. After that video, I published a reaction video with hundreds of comments, of which 99% were positive.

As soon as I found that button to turn off the comments, I was fine and I let go. 

2) Each challenging situation you face enhances your resilience. The sentence “don’t care about what other people think” is often just an empty phrase.

I would argue that most people aren´t capable of actually living up to this; otherwise, there were no bestellers like "The sutle art of now giving a F*uck.” by Mark Manson and many others.

My point is that you can´t talk yourself into “not caring what other people think." You actually have to experience a tough situation and then do it, just as it is impossible to just talk yourself into learning how to ride a snowboard. You have to do it.

It is just a skill like any other.

3) Situations like these expose you to unexpected areas of learning.

In my case, I changed the style of my videos by adding more storytelling and less vlogging. I posted them on Instagram after a year of absence, and they worked fine.

4) Facing and overcoming such challenges solidifies your identity as a creator. It forces you to reflect on what you stand for and, more importantly, what you do not.

How do you want to be perceived, sharpening your content and personal brand?

For example, one comment that was mentioned a lot was that because I was a grown man, I could or should not talk to kids. With that, I couldn’t disagree more. If that’s you as well, then please hit unsubscribe right now.

This really made me think about who I am and, most importantly, who I am not. I just love to talk to people. I do not discriminate based on gender or age, including kids.

I could have deleted the video, but that would have meant admitting my mistake, and I am not going to give in to a mob.

That’s it for today. Thanks for reading.

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